July

2011-09-23T09:29:00.001+08:00

This has to change.

2011-09-17T14:16:00.005+08:00

I'm amazed at the success of a certain individual at rebuilding and reinventing a system.

It's hard to have faith in the system though you have only seen a part of its failures. It's hard to test it, and you could only hope. You zoom in, and see flaws, so naturally people like to zoom out and see that "okay the general idea is there" and it seems to do what it claims to do. After idealism, cynicism strikes; it comes from being exposed to more. No longer is it a straight forward statement, in which you are given some semblance of power over your destiny. There are so many factors and links that affects the whole engine that sometimes we lose faith. Though it is useless to try to be accountable for the things you cannot control, and contrary to that habit of personal effectiveness, when faith is lost there is little motivation.

Still when someone of great accomplishment comes along, having accomplished what you could not have done in your own little office, that person becomes such as refreshing inspiration. It sparks that competitive edge and it brings back the grandeur of values. The strength of that example speaks up so loudly, so compellingly, that shines through what you thought was a "good but not so good" enterprise, blinding you to its failings and ultimately giving birth to a more balanced sense of idealism and expectation. It says it can be done, and if we choose to proclaim high standards, we need to pay the price for it. If values guide you to a certain course of action, sometimes you just have to ignore that creeping shadow of doubt. Ultimately, that constant strife kills you, or makes you become stronger.

2011-05-16T23:58:00.002+08:00

The more important thing is not the end, but the how.

It’s about how you want to live your life.

Today, I was trying to listen to myself. What was I saying to myself?

“Shit. Tomorrow I’m gonna play ball, then by afternoon when I get back, it’s half the day gone already. Then next day it’s back to camp. Sigh.”

Pre-event depression or anxiety kicks in [this has been a problem since a long time ago]. Why?

Living like this is worrisome. Living like this is simply debilitating. Because I keep thinking of what I am going to lose tomorrow. And it is this foolishness that causes me to MISS OUT what I’m going to gain tomorrow, AND TODAY.

I will not be able to enjoy my basketball game, and I cannot enjoy the rest of the day, and the next day at work. I cannot appreciate the little things of life anymore.

I am afraid of losing “possibility.” I am afraid of the freedom to “whatever I want.” That makes me the number one procrastinator as someone totally afraid of committing to a cause. I cannot define what I am going to lose even. That is a sign of total ineffectiveness.

Truth is, I don’t achieve anything at the end. Nothing lasting, nothing worthy. Only instantaneous pleasure.

Freedom comes at a price. It needs discipline, to really be able to do what you want to do.

I have to stop staring at blank pages. Which author looks at blank pages and says: “Curse this. If I pen this down, then I cannot write anymore? I have less ink?” That thought is ridiculous. He goes in and tries to write a great story, even making mistakes here and there, but he keeps on writing and writing to try to make something great happen.

I should look forward with that same intention: to find opportunities, not crises. To gain, and not to lose. I have to start being accountable to myself, to my family, to God, to my friends, to my work. Because, at the end of the day, one year later, two years later, ten years later, I’ll look back, and I’ll HAVE to accept the consequences.

I’ll have to live with the choices I made. I'll have to accept how I lived my life: happy, sad, effective, ineffective...

That is the cold hard truth.

But certainly, our glorious piece of work is only just beginning. May God guide us.

2011-01-02T20:01:00.001+08:00

Beyond my thousand failings, I know I want to change.

I hope I can put my heart into change.

2010-11-11T19:15:00.003+08:00

It's that sickening old feeling again.

Never thought my last game before going off would be a friendly game with some kids, where two of us who were older had to give less in order to let them have the stage. It seemed like my time had already come to an end, prematurely. I am filled with a few regrets, but I realized that the skills I gained were not the most important. It's like dying; you can't bring them with you. What was more important was the time, the effort, the friends... I saw that my little life was all a gift from God, and if I had excluded Him from anything, it would simply be a meaningless effort. Without hope we cannot survive, but the concept of hope far exceeds time here; there is a hope in the afterlife. To sum it up, I am confronted by feelings that are so human, that I start to laugh at myself. God probably finds the human quality quite adorable too.

I'm sure I'll be back. Hahaha... God has blessed my efforts already. Damn, just when a certain anime made me excited about romance again. Got to take better care of my health too, otherwise treatments would be costly and the damage hard to reverse. Oh well. Only at the crucial hour that we start to realise what we are, and we should do.

2010-09-18T22:41:00.002+08:00

Is letting go...

(a) forgetting
(b) detaching oneself from the situation
(c) renewing

To me, letting go has all of these elements. However, I tried to forget, but I realised that I couldn't, and that wasn't letting go at all. Rather, confronting the facts and the irrationality of my past emotions made me see the picture clearer. I still treasure that person as a friend; there's nothing wrong with a birthday wish.

2010-09-18T15:26:00.001+08:00

I'm called to fight, even when I'm weak. I'm called to fight.

2010-09-12T00:52:00.002+08:00

I enjoyed our MAF celebrations. The school was brimming with energy with the vast number of people who attended the event. I appreciated it because I recalled how empty it was after the big exams. Indeed, the students make the school come alive.

The moon was a sharp crescent, and there was an outline of the full moon. And that struck me because I saw potential: potential to grow and become perfect. It was great, but once again, the ephemerality of things and anxiety about future trials left me in very low spirits. I had to pray the chaplet for peace to return.

My expression of language has been going downhill. It is partly why I am back to blogging once more.

To all my friends, I appreciate all of you, and our memories.

2010-08-10T17:16:00.001+08:00

CHOOSE how you want to live.

2010-08-08T23:50:00.000+08:00

Truly one of the darkest periods of my life
Where the fire is put out
When what I loved become technicalities
When what I wanted become useless things
I need the light again

2010-07-24T16:29:00.004+08:00

The instructors are gonna shout at you and give a lot of pressure, and it may be up to an unreasonable point, overriding your command and authority. You may feel hurt sometimes, but learn from your mistakes and keep going. That is how it is here. Maintain your focus.

In my own words, what LTA AJ told me during assault of Moscow 1a2 during ex SK.

I just recalled it only now. Recording it here.

2010-07-21T19:36:00.004+08:00

HOME OF THE OFFICER CORPS

I find it hard to accept that decisions that I make always involve a brilliantly high opportunity cost, it's as if I'm signing up for more shit each time. I want to be free. Is it within my own power to do so?

It was a hurried affair, but I know I will miss SAFTI. That is how much loyalty means and will subsequently cost me.

I couldn't have imagined this day. To leave so quickly, tiredly, only to feel so unprepared and daunted by unseen challenges ahead. I am not ashamed to say that I only dare to inch out of my comfort zone bit by bit, and not by a mile, so I'm stressed, greatly. I do feel regret, but when I see why I made those decisions, it was also partly because of the unpleasantries and inadequacies. I'll miss the good things and the good people, at least.

It seems like I'm a fucking escapist. I have to learn to see the future better, that change may not always be the best thing.

But even in the face of new challenges, loyalty bekons me to overcome them, to do my officers proud, in the Delta spirit.

2010-07-18T21:51:00.002+08:00

God is really putting me to the test.

I am trying not to be like Job.

One bad day... two bad days... more bad days; I realised that I can be happy also. It can be as simple as wishing my senior a happy birthday, because I can be happy for that person and carry to her my best wishes (Yes dear Audrey, a happy 20th). It can be as simple as seeing other friends in fellowship, in association. It can be as simple as having another chance at life: to breathe it, to experience it, to move it. Today, 18th July, as been a good day of rest. So I thank God for this day, and I pray that I can continue giving thanks in the days to come. I pray that truly everything can be thrown into that fire within, to make it burn brighter, and stronger, now and for eternity.

There is good out there, and I can feel it even if distance shall separate us.

2010-07-11T19:31:00.002+08:00

Sometimes life really hits you with a lot of bricks...

It's hard to be disciplined and be focused on what you can do and control. Sometimes we have just have to let go. I can become overly consumed by certain things (of the admin nature) that don't go well, and a great battle starts between my perfectionist self and my focused self.

Obstacles. We have to find ways to get round them, and be positive while doing so. Like Kobe says, disappointments become opportunities for him to rise. We like to blame systems, but really we should search deep within what is the best and right thing to do. We blame systems, but we ourselves take on responsibilities, and that is our choice.

2010-05-30T13:24:00.002+08:00

I'll never forget the sudden melancholy that I felt after a supposedly good day of events. But I know where to find the answer to ephemerality and seeming meaninglessness of things, that being the cross.

2010-05-28T20:10:00.003+08:00

I don't want you to take a similar path that I tread, out of selfish love. One must question where it all leads to. And I ask for your understanding...

2010-05-28T18:57:00.004+08:00

We are carrying lives of fellow human beings with every step... to my last... it shall not come.

National security is of obvious systemic importance. But, can we look beyond our own national interests? All the training, to me, is for an even higher, more unselfish reason. The armlet of deterrence discourages petty squabbles from erupting into armed conflict, which is a winless, destructive situation. The human condition has many ugly faces to it, and one of it is its the predisposition to violence. On countless occasions history has showed us the sickness of war: the sickness of the human condition. It's pages are filled with records of degrading devastation, bloody brutality and sorrowful suffering. These pages do not yellow over time; instead, they are reprinted every single day today. We must fight in order to protect the peace. And that is what I carry with me, and everything else which follows. We cannot take things for granted. Merely exercising the figment of our imagination will elucidate not fantasy, but the reality of how truly fragile we are.

10 days. And more to come.

2010-04-18T18:10:00.002+08:00

We bash through this overgrown route, and we bleed, we cry, we sing. We taste dirt and dust, we grow hungry, we tire out. We walk, run, crawl, with pain as our constant companion. And we draw close to the end, very slowly, without certainty. In the midst of all, we are born heroes of our era, heroes of our time, marked with bronze scars. We train, so that one day we may be able to protect. We train, so that we may achieve the best possible. At the end, we hope we gain much more than we have lost: much more invaluable life lessons, skills and substance of character, as compared to people who choose easy. We march at the front, trusting even in midst of the most powerful doubts, using faith as an illumination through the shadows. May good come out of this journey, even if it just serves to prepare us for even greater ordeals ahead. We have potential, so we should strive for the gold, to win what we deserve. Our best shall not be our last.

OCS, day -1.

2010-04-15T11:13:00.003+08:00

Okay Med interview is over. I'm happy with it, and I'm grateful that the interviewers were kind and patient (just like doctors should be). I think I need to prepare and practice more next time, because I was really nervous and sometimes I couldn't find words. Being a good speaker and being able to express myself better verbally was always my key area for improvement since sec4. So, I'll have to try to improve that.

I was reading a friend's blog today, I was upset and disappointed by some of the things said. I mentioned about exclusivity in the past, but now I see that I did not judge her wrongly, for crystal clear were her words and intentions, but how selfish too. It is regretable having invested so much hope in developing our friendship.

"well of course some people might say, cliques aint good cus it leaves others out. i’d say, form your/their own then."

Yah it's fine as long as YOU are not left out, correct?

So go on and live in your own little world. Such attachments to the world cannot last, and you find that you'll be sorely disappointed in the future. This isn't pessimism, but reality.

So go on and live in your own make-belief world. Such myopic selfishness won't make this world a better place. Truly hideous are the walls we build, to neighbour, and to God.

So go on and live in your own heaven. Let idols be your friends, and friends be your idols, and then start thanking God for it. Yes, delude yourself, thinking you are in favor with God. With His patience He shall tolerate, but for how long? Do you think the world can give you life and happiness? Then I tell you, for your own sake, you may lose everything; otherwise, how do you prove that you love God?

Do not look on my intentions badly, thinking that it is born out of jealousy or hatred. Sister, I feel that it is my moral obligation to remind you of who you really are and what you have to do here.

Peace.

2010-04-12T22:42:00.002+08:00

I went back to HC in the afternoon to collect some documents, and I was overcome with a multitude of emotions.

I miss HC a lot. I think of myself, for the past two years, walking on those welcoming red tiles near the main entrance, walking to the basketball courts for PE, or sometimes the field on the far west, attending intellectually challenging lessons, being overcome by physical and mental exhaustion that I would fall asleep in lectures and tutorials, enjoying the company of friends, slacking at the class benches, bearing the fluctuations of the heart at the sight of certain people, soaking up the sun and rain, embracing the sheltered huge home, and being free to do what you want. It was a free place to mature and discover oneself, as well as to make friends. Competition was there, but learning and graduating together was uniting. Maybe this feeling would only last for a while, but I want to see my juniors succeed as well. In spite of all the pressures of work and other unforseen upsets like late coming, HC is like a second home to me, and yet all of us have to leave its gates.

So I left with quick but hard steps. To be quick before it got too hard to leave; to step hard in order to relieve the emotional snowstorm. It was just a simple trip to the college reception and then I was out of school. Renovations were going on, and I stopped on the bridge to catch one more glimpse of the buzzing environment. 1530. I miss you.

My next stop was SJI. I got a flash of all the things that I have done there, like doing PT with my squad on the tracks. I just don't miss it as much as I miss HC, probably because I was at a much less mature stage of my life then. Still, it was a place of growth, and I was reminded of my passion to inspire, teach and make a difference to people. And yet I didn't put teaching as any university option, because as a student of knowledge, I want to learn and apply my knowledge to form real-life creations. Here and there, on a fragile yo-yo of doubt, yet alive and full. At least, I have no regrets becoming an SJAB officer.

Once again, I got the docs I needed, and I visited the chapel, spending some time in there asking for guidance. I am grateful for everything that has brought me to where I am now. Yet, something tells me not to become attached to worldly things; not to put my trust in man.

I went to NUS to submit the stuff after that. I was back home by 1700, thoroughly exhausted by the day's work.

2010-04-11T11:03:00.001+08:00

Get moving, and do the things you have to do!

2010-04-02T14:01:00.001+08:00

"It is not always within your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have love if, after having experienced annoyance and contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who have made you suffer and wish them well."
Diary of St. Faustina

2010-03-06T12:21:00.004+08:00

I'm really happy with my As results. Yup. Really...

I think I'm still far from being an effective listener and communicator. So many times, I find myself not knowing what and how to respond. Okay, besides being patient or "being there" for another person, good listening and communication should go way above that level. So, it's not just trying to feel emphathy, but also expressing it along with your views, both which should make a positive effect on the other party.

An article in today's Recruit triggered me to write about this and to think of how shitty my tongue-tiedness can be. Quoting for future reference:

"Remember to use the pronoun "I" often. The "I" messages show that you recognise and are affected by the other person's feelings. It helps bring the other person on board."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." (Maya Angelou)

"Everyone has a strong need for his or her feelings to be recognised. While factual points are important, knowing the other person's feelings in a difficult discussion can help to create an atmosphere of understanding and cooperation.

I think I can work more on understanding feelings and consciously acknowledging them first before making any sort of judgement.

2010-02-20T14:19:00.003+08:00

By introspecting, I realised that there is a great difference being strong, and getting stronger.

Being strong, for the most part, is a conscious decision to carry on through tough situations and achieve.

Getting stronger, in my opinion, is not the mere result of having lived through tough situations, but actually becoming more able to accomplish them again, i.e. the difficult task will become easier.

The reason why I'm bringing this up was because of what my PC said, and what I went through a few days back. My PC said that OCS will train you to becoming mentally tougher and develop your character. One will go through the most horrible of situations where one will feel like dying, but by surviving it, one can become a stronger person. When I heard this, I agreed with him, but now I have some doubts about it. Such a statement seems to be a lazy assumption and follow through of things, that we can "level up" by training physically and mentally. Well, think again.

When I did my 6km route march, I survived it but it was a terrible experience lugging all that load on my back. And it's just 6km; the real test is 24km. So if I'm going to replay this 6km route march again, knowing that I have done it before will probably be somewhat of a boost, but I still have to make conscious decisions to KEEP WALKING ON because it's still going to be challenging no matter what. I don't think it's going to become any easier, especially on the mental side of things, or at least, that's going to be really difficult to measure by any means. [If you haven't been to a route march before, just think of a 2.4km run then; it's also challenging to beat or equal your timings.]

Trials will allow you to prove yourself. They allow you to prove that you can "be strong" as I have defined it above, but whether they make you "stronger," is not something that we can easily assume.

Well, it's actually crazy to me, but if you believe they are going to make you stronger, you may be right, because you would be repeatedly "psycho-ing" yourself that "I have done this before; I'm capable of this; I can do more" etc and in the process, you do get a mental boost.

But I don't think there are going to be any clear answers on this. We are going to be tested again and again, and we can be strong through those situations, but being through a near-death situation before may not necessarily make other trials easier, because you still will be tested in some way, and you will have to choose a response.

2010-02-03T13:31:00.002+08:00

I could have done better, but should I have done better?

When I see my beloved junior in the position I was once in, when I gave her some work that I didn’t manage to finish, I feel this pang of guilt that I didn’t try hard enough. Intuition tells me that I could have done a lot better through those 2 years, and that I had the potential and ability, but I just didn’t translate that into sufficient effort. I believe that motivation comes from an acute awareness of one’s ability to make choices, but I wasn’t fully aware of that then, and as such, as not highly motivated or ambitious as I could have been. Knowing this weakness is burdensome.

Education, as I see it now, is really a golden opportunity. That time span itself is filled with opportunities that will not come again once you let it pass, and if you don’t seize them, you aren’t doing justice to yourself; or at least this is how I feel. It’s not that I crazy about portfolio; I think I treasure the educational process as much as I treasure grades which indicate, to a limited extent, what you have learnt. The process satisfies my intellectual curiosity, but it’s a pity I let many things distract and influence me from this course, of which I take the responsibility for. I felt tired many times, but I think it was because I allowed my work to accumulate over a long period of time.

Even having said this, I still can’t fully accept or comprehend my regret. It’s like saying I’m capable of doing this and doing that, so I should have done it. I’m capable of doing bad things, but does it also mean I should do them? Obviously not. There is this inexplicability of feeling that I suspect has to do with the expectations of my dearest teachers and parents who have put in so much effort, as well as that of my own and my upbringing. I do value education a lot even though it comes with a high price for both tangible as well as intangible reasons, yet I feel like I’m trying to justify what cannot be justified. We’ve all heard this phrase so often: “why try so hard?” I can’t answer that; it’s something from the heart. This regret of my underachievement tells me something. And this revelation is distressing to someone who thinks a lot with his head.

I hope for a miracle. I do. I don’t want to pay so much for this lesson.

The question that matters: “After going through everything, will you regret anything?” My teachers have said it before, but I didn't think that much of it then. It's actually a very deep question that you have to think about and feel.

-Be proactive
-Begin with the end in mind
-Put first things first
(Steven Covey)

These are extremely relevant, “personal victories,” for doing well in your studies. Did anyone tell you that in school?

Enlisting tomorrow. I need to move forward.

2009-12-29T22:54:00.002+08:00

[10:53:04 PM] kevinze: ..
[10:53:06 PM] kevinze: ...........
[10:53:08 PM] kevinze: ..................
[10:53:15 PM] kevinze: ...............................
[10:53:21 PM] kevinze: WHY CANT I CAPS MY DOTS

This what happens when one is frustrated.

My internet browserS have been screwing up big time.
For example
ATTEMPT NUMBER 1
[ellipses] (google)
PROBLEM LOADING PAGE- THE CONNECTION WAS RESET.

ATTEMPT NUMBER 2
[ellipsesa] (google)

Did you mean: ellipses Top 2 results shown
Ellipsis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The punctuation rules for ellipses are standardized by the PN-83/P-55366 .... Ellipses are often used in an operating system's taskbars or web browser tabs ...
In writing - Typographical rules - In mathematical notation
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ellipsis - Cached - Similar

What the &$%%&*%&$#@%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

2009-12-28T20:35:00.002+08:00

Hello guys :). I have been doing extra community work at Bukit Merah Library for two days running, and I must say it has been quite pleasant. I'm basically in-charge of managing the spin-and-win counter, and it's interesting to guess the different personalities of people when they approach the counter. Some spin the wheel forcefully, others effortlessly (with a great spin), and others apprehensively (barely moving a few inches) etc.

Kids nowadays are really smart. They know how to read and write from a young age. Bukit Merah Library is frequented by many young children and whenever they come to the counter to play I can't help but smile at their innocent reactions. The cool thing is that you can afk and read a book when there's nobody at the counter =D. I managed to finish a book called "The Tribe," and it was brilliant.

Another awesome thing is that I met this PSLE 272 NY girl called Su Min. It's just great to meet a junior (do you people have the same experience? <--but I must admit that this applies more for NY/HC). I was taken aback when she said she was sec1. I guess I haven't had much contact with people 13-15 for a long time because I didn't go back SJI. But I'm going to go back during the first week for a boring lecturing session.

I'll end here now. =)

2009-12-25T23:14:00.001+08:00

Seek first to understand, then to be understood. I personally tested this out today, and I am amazed at how effective it was. Undoubtedly, it required some sacrifice and restraint on my part, but at the end it was just a matter of perspective. If I didn’t apply it, things could have gotten ugly!

Anyway, I was reading Vera’s blog and I did have some comments, or rather negative judgements, towards it. I should not judge people, but I find it very hard to find an alternative to this. If I do not judge, then what do I do? And this, as I think about it, is not within my human capability at all, but rather of something divine: to be given wisdom and love at the same time such that I think lovingly of another.

There are a lot of things that I do not know. I was talking to yuli from whom I gathered that we should not interfere with the private affairs of other people. I feel much chagrin because that friend in question is someone I care about a lot even though I may not be able to express it, and not just part of the “other people.” People are invariably connected with one another, and I can understand that you may not feel the same way as I do, but please understand me also.

When there are problems with relationships, people like to give cold, hard, practical advice. I also keep attempting to convince myself by speaking to myself in that same way (*fact you should know about Kevin: he likes to think aloud so try not to think him as a weird freak =D). Human beings are fragile creatures (AND not just girls, so please give up any feminist thinking). We want to protect ourselves and our friends understandably, so people tend to give certain pieces of “practical” advice to help. I can understand that, but try not to lose the ability to love in the process and become cynical. What we oftentimes need is the spirit of God so that we can love like God does, as opposed to human love, which is imperfect and conditional. Pray to God about it, so that you can find peace and some sort of reconciliation. He may not take away that suffering, but He will help you to deal with it.

Merry Christmas. The light will dispel the darkness as it gives off itself, just as God does.

Awesome bleach ending song:

2009-12-23T21:06:00.003+08:00

Spoilers ahead:

The latest bleach episode was so awesome. Finally the story has some clear direction. For all the horrendous things this mysterious figure Muramasa has done, he suddenly becomes the "victim." And ironically, his own master treats him like a tool. Muramasa called out to other Zanpaktou to follow his command because he said their masters treat them like tools too.

2009-12-11T23:38:00.005+08:00

Any relationship can never be built on imagination, unless telepathy is really possible. If we only know a little about that person, that means we don’t know a lot about that person. How can we love what we do not taste, see, touch, feel… and most importantly, know and experience?

I find it painful that people can be so exclusive. If each person can be represented by a ring, then it's as if our rings of fate can never overlap. I hate this. We can't even be friends?

2009-12-11T22:42:00.004+08:00

When you find yourself in the pits, left alone and broken, what do you do?

When I look back now, I see the consequences of the choices that I had made when I was younger. I see how one bad choice leads to another. And today, I am experiencing its effects, which aren't easily rectified. Some are permanent. Sometimes I wish I could change those decisions. But that is impossible.

Those choices have influenced who I am today! They have also caused me, partially at least, to miss out on certain opportunities which I really value a lot. A lot of things are not in our control... but I want to take responsibility for those that are.

So, do I give up? Do I say that those opportunities will never come again? Well, never say never. But I would also add that it is very unlikely that the very same chance would come again. So, because of that, do I despair and die? My answer is no. Life is about taking chances, and I'm going to take that chance. And to do that, there must be the uphill process of improvement and change. But to do that, one needs a lot of courage to accept what has happened and turn the pages. It's about how you want to live too.

Carpe Diem.

Some random words:

They all say that time heals all wounds. Even then, scars remain.

Suffering can bring you closer to God if you allow Him to act.

Life is like travelling on roads. Sometimes, we stop at the junction for a while, but go on our separate ways when the light turns green. Other times, we come from different places, but end up at the same destination.

2009-12-09T19:35:00.010+08:00

Bella Sera

Hotel room to deposit stuff and change- I paid 20 bucks.
At about 6 plus, the guys went down to the lobby to wait for the girls to finish their makeup!

Signs of extreme boredom while doing so. Took some lame pictures.

Mind your step while taking the photo... right.

See lah... Zhuoyan want to sleep already.

Naisheng modelling with Yen Ngee. =D

After MUCH lagging we finally could meet up at the Swissotel. Yuli actually walked while the other girls cabbed from Excelsior. =X

My eyes look small. Damn.

Picture with Jialin. Take 2!

Shijun took this photo with my camera. Erm.. I don't know what they were doing.

Why do the pictures look so similar... =X. One was taken way early, the other was AFTER the event.

lalala

Zh so shuai.

NgYuLi. Most memorable times were during pw I believe. As intellectual as me (actually smarter -.-).

Very distinctive makeup...

CC WHY YOU HAVE EYE BAGS?

Mok so imba.

KAITAI'S camera is super big and super pro. He told me he can be the photographer for my wedding.

How to act cute 0.0?

This photo is crap! I look so TANNED!!!

I'm gonna miss 08s6q so badly...

2009-12-09T18:19:00.007+08:00

CAP AND TRADE- HERE'S THE CAVEAT

Well, I don't really know too much about the ongoing discussion, and my two cents worth would probably be piling grass in a shed (<--this is my newly-coined awesome metaphor; try and figure out what it means and post your answers in the tagboard to the right). Therefore, I'm not qualified to go in-depth on this issue, i.e. this post will be extremely short (and yes, I certainly would avoid the crappy ad nauseam about climate change in GP essays as I always have). Before you go on believing everything in this video, I would ask you to hold your horses first. For a start, the information that has been put into this video is already biased and it's intention is indubitably explicit- to convince you that cap and trade is going to fail! However, whatever the presentor is saying isn't entirely invalidated because of this.

[Quote

sven0110 (1 hour ago)

The most pathetic thing about this video like so many others of its kind, is that it state the issue(s) and offers NO solution. The animation shows what seems to be a family walking in to the Copenhagen meeting and presenting their case... yeah... that will work... enjoy your black jail or worse if you try something like that.

unquote]

I agree that this video offers no alternative solution. It also tries to make you have a false sense of "yeah great I feel darn good now because I oppose cap and trade and because some miracle panacea or "NEW solutions" must be thought of. How inspiring and activating!

What's so bad about the video? Well, the presentor throws in a lot of utopian ideas without saying how they might actually be achieved. Solve the so-called ecological debt? Okay, nice, but where's the money going to come from? In fact, the fundamental problem about CO2 emissions is that people want to get richer and countries want to grow! Okay, let's pretend that it is possible to come to some sort of compromise on emissions for the sake of civilisation. Even then, one has to make sure that any proposed measures are SUSTAINABLE, that people can continue to survive without becoming unemployed, IF caps are introduced. It is very difficult. Imagine you have starving children to feed at home, and elsewhere someone is asking you to give up some of your grain for the survival of the planet. But you see, fundamental, and more notably, IMMEDIATE needs have to be satisfied first. People demand the breakfast. Any solution? I don't know. I'm scared too.

Indeed, the devil is in the details. The loopholes must be corrected, if possible. However, one of the greatest merits about cap and trade, in my opinion, is that it allows the free market to continue operating. And we do know that the free market, albeit it's weaknesses, does reasonably well it answering the three big questions of what to prduce, how to produce and for whom and how much to produce. Is there any better way to allocate resources? I'm not sure: try to think of other ways to allocate carbon dioxide emissions (or regulate). Remember, or goal is to REDUCE the CO2 emissions (without causing other nastier forms of emissions like coal).

Counterargument :)

Well, there are always thngs to criticise. The above video is definitely no exception. I'm just going to give one example of a critique. Regarding the ecological debt issue that I spoke of earlier, the guy linked it to socialism. AND IMMEDIATELY what came to mind was all the evil and horrible allusions to the word "socialism." Communism also came to my mind. And for "isms-wary" people, it's going to be a red flag. Well, I thought about it, and it's not really evil or bad or what. We should help the less fortunate right? The real question is how feasible this can be... After that, the guy DIRECTLY linked freedom to propserity. What? Singapore is not very free, but it's reasonably prosperous too! This is one of the common mistakes of confusing correlation and causality. We shouldn't jump to conclusions, and it was a huge issue for me because he put a stupid equality sign between freedom and prosperity.

I'll conclude this minipost here; it's just FYI. I don't intend to craft any proper conclusion on climate change. But with regards to the video, this is my response, and I also do wish that climate change can be mitigated soon. How? I'm not sure.

2009-11-24T20:35:00.004+08:00

End of As- almost

I am feeling tired. After the physics paper 3 today, there is one last physics MCQ paper left on the coming Monday. S6Q went out to Orchard area for a sandwich-packed lunch, took a nice photo, and then split into 2 groups: one to buy Yilin’s present and the other to play LAN. I was in the latter group! LAN wasn’t as fun as I would have liked it to be. After that, I went to play basketball with Zhuoyan, Shijun and SJI friends. It was fine, but left me extra tired, considering that I only had 4 hours of sleep the morning before.

What can I say… the love still runs deep? It’s a kind of an instinct of mine; a stupid one too. However, I shall be very grateful for everything, and not ask for anymore. This, at least, is my conscious choice. The “love” portion isn’t really a conscious one though. Therefore, one cannot trust it. Anyway, if you are reading this, thanks a lot for everything, including being a wonderful desk partner for H2 math (which I had fortuitously found it manageable and had time to let my mind wonder 1.5 metres away). It was a very sweet H2 math exam, MULTIPLIED BY 2 for two papers. And LICHAN, I didn’t realize you were referring to her initially when you asked me who I was going to be sitting next to before the exam. X_X.

Moving on, one of the GREATEST upsets for me was CHEMISTRY. I never thought I had to mention this dreaded word “regret.” Carelessness, lack of time (i.e. rush and get wrong answer), a stubborn tangential way of thinking that cause me to refuse to check the data booklet, plus a lack of practice and some common sense had destroyed my Chem MCQ. And previously, I actually found paper 3 challenging, and lost some marks already. The chances of getting A have severely been diminished, or rather, I would say B is VERY LIKELY, and I am (was) really distraught: even after owning the physics paper 3 today I was actually emo-ing over yesterday’s chemistry. There’s like a needle in your heart and you want to stab it so bad with a dagger. Or maybe your heart has already been stabbed. It sucks to be in this situation. It just sucks. Partly because you have less options with one B (as my mum says), partly because Ms Chua said I was supposed to be getting A and she had confidence in me, partly because I can’t do anything about it now, partly because THAT few marks could have made such a great difference in terms of potential grades and my state of mind, and mainly because I HATE to fail my own expectations. My personality report says that I am not driven enough to succeed. I think it’s time to change that. And juniors please work hard to avoid such "shit" later (I would remind myself at this juncture to devote some time on physics MCQs).

I don’t like examinations. My mind was dying for those "super-mug" papers. My neurological and physical systems were being compromised badly. I can't keep on studying. I usually have to sleep and start "afresh" (it is a bit psychological). And if you reach saturation it is very terrible! My mugging experience was very bad. Very, very bad... Can't think properly and you become sluggish.

Also, although you learn a lot arguably in preparing feverishly for exams, you have to give up a lot of other aspects that aren’t crucial to the exams, by accepting stuff you don’t know as facts and so on. The main thing that I have learnt from As is that we are students for life. We can’t know everything. And we learn from our mistakes (unfortunately a national examination doesn’t really opportune one to do so). Whether it was for Econs or Chem, learning should carry on despite the end of A levels. This is an uphill task as there is no carrot-and-stick, but only your own drive and determination. Don’t you find it pitiful to throw away everything you have learnt? I do. Another reason why it is so difficult is because of the accessibility of teachers. I fear failing and I fear the unknown. But this is “anti-learning” (which is something that examinations breed…). To be a true student is to be willing to fail and learn humbly. Well, it is going to be difficult to keep in contact with teachers if I run into problems, I think. It’s going to be quite strange too. It is a difficult situation, but I must say that my education has benefitted me in so many ways unmentioned.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank God, my teachers and all my well-wishers. Even though you aren't named here, I cherish the little notes, cards, letters, greetings... well-wishes.

Life as an official school student is coming to a close! No more life honeymooon already. We are becoming adults. I have been having an increased frequency of dreams (nightmares) regarding NS. Lichan is going in in about 3 weeks, while I'm going in on the 4th of February. The huge obstacles ahead pale in comparison to exams, really. I hope I can continue living even though life can really suck sometimes. And I pray for the strength to do so!

2009-10-17T22:37:00.006+08:00

-in the name of citizen journalism-
-for the sake of argument-
-for my own writing pleasure; capriciousness-
-for THE READER-

I was returning from church with my family just now at approximately 10am when two magnificent red truckers and a smaller, but by no means less grand, white car greeted us at the T junction just after the security post. I was busy sucking on some McCoke so I could not really comprehend the gravity of the situation, but it sunk in later once I swallowed the opaque drink and got out of the car. There were a handful of people on the scene already. But one can model the number of people into an exponential differential equation quite easily. By the next 10 minutes, there were about 100 plus people.

I walked up to the source of worry. It was a block of flats, obviously similar to my own. The stairwells were suffocated with thick smoke, which bellowed out towards the rooftop. The immediate conclusion I drew was that the fire had to be near the middle floors because I could not trace the source of the smoke just yet (science students would obviously think that smoke rises up and not down and hence my conclusion). The middle-lower area was unfortunately obscured by trees, but upon closer inspection, I spotted it.

It was a red window of flame; a prop that garnered all attention and anxiety. Perched on a tightrope, the dancer swayed and shook, and had the crowd on its feet in bated breath. The stage was set; the guns were being placed in position. As it moved, the fire sent ripples of heat and smoke, and awakened the Singapore KAYPOHNESS in everyone there; I was no exception.

Is awesome the right word? I don't know. The stable intensity of the flames was really charming. And I was still sucking on my coke. I loved the thrill of being in the heat of the action. It felt just like our mass evac drills in the past. The leadership aura... Leadership aura is made up of: resoucefulness, supreme alertness, calmness, independence, control and sometimes disdain. That's what I felt; damn that fire.

"Hey Mum, can see the fire there leh."
"Really. Hold this for me and you can go upstairs first. I want to see. So exciting! Got anyone jump down or not?"
"..."

Don't worry guys. It was the shake of my camera that made all the floors look as if they were burning. It was actually the light on each floor. The smoke was what I wanted to capture but it's not very visible here.

Bah. The SCDF people were split into two teams I believe. The team that stayed behind was unplugging the water supply from the ground- those little red contraptions you sometimes walk into on the street when you're not looking. The fire was visibly put out in a couple of minutes WHILE the backup team was still preparing the water- or so I think. I went back upstairs after stealing a couple of shots. Yeap sorry for this crappy ending because it wasn't really that interesting after all you see. =D. Just something novel.

2009-09-30T20:14:00.001+08:00

this is very humorous...

2009-09-29T13:30:00.002+08:00

I hate look-alikes. I went to vivo then I thought I saw this person. I think I stayed there for 10 mins trying to confirm the identity of the person by
i. pretending to be in a call
ii. walking in big and small circles
iii. staring

I'm so pissed with myself for not having the guts to just walk up and ask. And there was this war going on in my mind. That person I saw was somewhat different from the one I knew 3 years ago. It couldn't be, but I wasn't confident about it. "No it can't be" was a dead tape which kept replaying in my mind!

And why the hell would she be working at such a job.

And I wasn't convinced even though I checked many times. But I came to a decision later and stop the meaningless confirmation.

It is meaningless.

2009-09-28T21:45:00.001+08:00

I hate my imagination, to give me such crappy and meaningless desires that cannot be fulfilled in reality, or that is not something I want to do in reality. How come I can desire something in my mind, and not really want it when it becomes (close to) real? This contradiction digusts myself.

2009-09-28T10:52:00.003+08:00

Physics MCQ was a difficult one hour 15 mins!
I'm kindda sad because I didn't do too well. First 3 questions wrong already!
But, I got to work for the As and learn from this test. I realised that my kinematics sucks.

Regarding the last question on the activity scale

"It's to explain why the grid lines are not regular like ur usual graph paper. dun complain lah. It's very common in a levels in data analysis. At least u see it b4 it appears in ur actual exams."
-Mrs Tan

lol... =D

2009-09-22T11:20:00.003+08:00

Im so uber pissed at the physics paper.....................................................................................................................................................................................

outright, flagrant, arrant, downright, blatant

carelessness+confusion.
Mass defect become mass difference.
Missed out one super easy blank (ans is just 0.2- how much ink is that?!) but wasted so much energy just thinking in a confused state of mind for other questions.
+random I-don't-know-how-to-do parts like the very FIRST question of Section A.
I need to make sure I attempt everything. ZZz. And actually got time just that I was so confuseddddddddddd over ONE lousy nuclear question, that I kept entering figures into the gc blindly and even converted mass to energy for nothing.

2009-09-16T19:13:00.002+08:00

Be careful on roads!

I was just reminded about that from a newspaper article today. Female president hopeful, 9 years old I think. I made a horrendous mistake last week, so rare, to become distracted at the traffic light. I saw people walking toward me, so I assumed the light was green.
Luckily, the car was quite some distance away. So don't be distracted no matter what!

2009-09-14T16:41:00.001+08:00

Econs paper...

A is possible, B is likely.

I think I should seriously think through the details and make an effort to remember them, have less flowery language and more POINTS.

Also for the things that I have skimmed through/skipped, I should find time to clarify those doubts.

And and and... internalise unfamiliar concepts. My conflicting econs goal essay was like super smoke. I chiong through 3,4 then I had 10 min extra trying to THINK of points but I just couldn't reason to myself why that could be conflicting. My time management for 1st 2 essay was too good ler. You know it's quite hard to go back to previous essays and try to add points -__- (cus you already concluded nicely, and you'll probably, or I'll probably, be admiring my noob essay). I wonder if I should have tried to do it.

I somehow forgot to elaborate (or mention, I can't remember) subsidies as a way to correct income inequality and I think the essay was quite skewed towards the negative externality which is terrible (in a way it's "wasted" cos I'm pretty sure I can write on income inequality measures, like how Mr Lee recommends to give them ability to work rather than feed them @_@ I didn't write that), although depth in discussion is probably there ><"". Haha I can't remember exactly what I wrote. Sian sian to the max! I want to write perfect essay de lor.

Case was ~~~~~ I was damn sian of doing spent my last 40 mins on the last 12 mark question lol. Quite weird I got a bit too much time lalalalalalalaalalalalala I don't know. -,-

2009-09-09T19:48:00.001+08:00

GP Prelim 2009

2009-09-04T15:32:00.002+08:00

GP Prelim 2009

I shall try to give an honest review. I'm actually not an A candidate. My essays don't look as fabulous like those in the GP bulletin or Issues and Ideas. Today's performance was fair/ok/good. It is pressurizing to try to live up to expectations of others, but here I am, telling you guys that that acutally I (suck). I have learnt not to expect too much from past experience. But again, that doesn't mean that I would hide any confidence that I have DURING the paper.

The question that I wrote about was whether it was a cause for concern that people were going to the internet for news, making conventional newspapers go out of business. My BASIC framework for this essay was to give pros and cons but try and "skilfully" link it back to the essay- is this DEVELOPMENT a cause for concern? How I interpreted this was: is this development desirable or is it worrisome? Or perhaps both? I showed both sides.

Upon further perusal you would notice that my line of argument is somewhat flawed. Desirability is not exactly the twin opposite of worrisomeness. I honestly don't know whether it is going to be accepted. I just interpreted the question the way that I would have done so.

Perhaps a better way to interpret this question is: If the trend is allowed to continue and online news services eventually replace conventional newspapers, what would the ramifications be for the consumer, industry, government, country? I did hit a few points but as it was more in the form of pros and cons. This is really frustrating now because the way you explain (even though it may be the same content) determines your argument!

Like other essays, the line of argument that I am actually taking only seems clear to me when the Exam is over! Therefore, I could have made my links clearer actually.

In this essay, I think the focus should have been more on the potential problems. But I instead focussed more of the good side of things, making the essay slightly skewed. I wrote 3 and a quarter sides, which is more than average for me, but I am scared that my content marks would suffer because I didn't talk that much more about the potential problems when I could have. In this case, I have the knowledge so it's different from other cases where I know quite little. It's thus a matter of choosing the things to write that really matter. Of course, this hinged on my interpretation of the question. I kind of thought that since I was arguing that the internet is a desirable course so I should give more (sort of like 3:2 ratio). So how?! I am caught in a dilemma even now. Giving more weightage to your stand or to spend more time rebutting potential problems? It is a TOUGH question even though many people have done it!

Therefore, things to be concerned about!
-clarity of line of argument (I am those write-and-let-my-thoughts-come-to-me type of writer so that is why that this is a problem)

-ANSWER THE QUESTION?! (but what does the question REALLLLY want omg)

I hope that what I wrote is okay but logic tells me that my concerns stated here are darn valid all-right. Sigh. That's why the essay was a stupid dampener =(. I don't even know what kind of marks I would get? No more A, and I won't say I would be happy with a B grade seriously lol (even though I know I suck, doesn't mean I'm contented with it!)

Things to do:
Consult after the prelim paper is returned back regarding these problems

Comprehension was fair/good as well. AQ was just sort of a verbal diarrhea with me trying to throw random shots hoping to hit some of the question's requirements. No clear structure at all. I hope this strategy does not let me down! (Come on I wrote like until 0.1mm left on the bottom of the page...)

Ahh.

Things to do:

Find out/practice how to write sensible AQs within 25 minutes without writing randomly.

2009-09-02T17:31:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Xj8RrIpiiQ&feature=related

2009-08-27T17:23:00.007+08:00

Everyone has something beautiful or admirable about them.

Anyway in the library during break, I noticed a strange and novel sight.

Me: Ehh... how come the class girls are mugging in the library?
Zh: err... why cannot?
Me: They have intruded into our domain you know.
Zh: ok...
Gz: ya.. (something something)
Me: Must be that they want to get within our range lah...
Zh: No I don't think so leh..
Me: I meant it as a joke lah! You know domain and range? Functions??
Zh: Ha.ha.ha... that was very subtle joke!

[8:07:22 PM] kevinze: i am nicholas, and here is my life story...
[8:07:41 PM] kevinze: nicholas was born in a little white bed in the wee hours of the night
[8:08:09 PM] kevinze: his parents rejoiced at this birth, delighted to see his little eyes
[8:08:57 PM] kevinze: later, they drove up to the good old malcolm road whe nicholas was just 3 years old
[8:09:59 PM] kevinze: but on the way, the apparition of Mas selamat appeared in a dazling futuristic vision. Nicholas's parents were dumb founded, and in the noise and disturbia, nicholas had escaped from his parents in an ironic turn of events
[8:10:14 PM] Aaron Er: nub dotarh
[8:10:20 PM] Aaron Er: dotarhs now
[8:10:45 PM] kevinze: he stumbled into a dark old school, with the statue of st joseph peering down at him, seemingly amused. nicholas laughed and laughed, but soon began to cry
[8:11:11 PM] kevinze: the green spirit of st joseph flew to his side immediately, sweeping away all his little cute tears
[8:12:03 PM] kevinze: that night, the moon ran to hide behind the clouds. nicholas was never to be found, until 10 years later, in a dusty bright classroom known was one-zero-six
[8:12:37 PM] kevinze: gd morning class! mrs fong spoke in a high, clear voice
[8:13:01 PM] kevinze: i know your parents are outside the window, but you don't have to worry. they'd be back at one-o-clock
[8:13:36 PM] Aaron Er: omg kev mark so much he's going insane
[8:13:38 PM] kevinze: time flew extraordinally slowly as the usual admin work was attended to. It was awkward indeed
[8:13:47 PM] Aaron Er: stop markkking
[8:14:05 PM] nicholas: =.=???
[8:14:21 PM] kevinze: nicholas gave up a loud sigh. The pesky boy Ryan poked his tummy.
[8:17:16 PM] kevinze: and the years went by. Never did his parents know, that nicholas was actually the santa who got trapped in their chimney every christmas, until one fine day, kobe happened to shoot in a three pointer down the chimney, knocking nicholas out of position. Dudes, do not try this at home, Kobe said in front of the camera, as he then put a red-white santa sneakers and stood in front of a herd of deers. Ready now! He cried, before jumping above the horde of deers for a full 10 seconds, narrowly missing their tall and proud horns
[8:18:47 PM] kevinze: but that did not happen, because at that moment, nicholas sputtered out of the house, in time to throw the darn ball into kobe, a remarkably "tyco" shot, throwing kobe off balance and sent him flying into the pan of deer horns to be cooked.
[8:18:56 PM] Aaron Er: sersly
[8:19:00 PM] kevinze: mum, dad, come get dinner! nicholas cried
[8:19:02 PM] Aaron Er: got time write tiz go mug thxzz

on msn... Nistian 䒆Cdanitius says (8:21 PM): *carebin write some weird essay on skype Nistian 䒆Cdanitius says (8:21 PM): *very disturbing indeed *

2009-08-26T21:23:00.002+08:00

The dreadful cockroach lay dead, overturned, insides rotted, with exoskele pieces crackling with repulsive disgust. A quarter of its body had been chopped off, seemingly from the force of the swing of the cupboard door, otherwise it wouldn't have picked such a capricious place for its deathbed. How undeserving of it to have such an abode. It was a stealer and a robber, terrorist and proliferator of all living nightmares. Indeed the black cockroach, should be jumping with pride for having a human write its eulogy, or maybe, it should have felt utmost mortification.

It was shocking and was somewhat an ironic caricature to find its filthy carcass strung out when the door had been prised open, an unsung and unmoving jack-in-the-box. It was a truly heart-wrenching task to scrap it's crisp skeleton into a black plastic bag, an act which warranted divine help. Jolts of terror struck the scraper's heart as one of its legs suddenly exploded with a huge moment, hurtling out of sight. To see later the burnt, black body of the intruder lie motionless on the top part of the opaque black bag would send a dog running, and would make Potter finally decide to learn occlumency. Gravity was weak here. The bag needed some hoisting before the inevitable slide into the darkness happened, enveloping what was previously, a 6-legged monstrosity. And down the rubbish chute it went. Traces of its "blood" streaked the porcelain coloured cupboard. The door swung once more, severing any cursed connection with the insidious jack-in-the-box.

2009-08-25T17:17:00.002+08:00

Decided to remove what I had written... was a solid piece of work though. lol

2009-08-21T15:08:00.000+08:00

Today was totally copposite of yesterday.

5 things that made me irritable

1. noob personality report

2. knee injury still bothering me, plus my body was in horrible condition during PE, must be due to screwed up sleeping patterns

3. didn't manage to study for chem test and inadequacy in paraphrasing

4. KLL AND HER HORRENDOUS, SENSELESS CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT

5. Thunderous rain

...and perhaps, day might have been different if someone _

5 things that I must remind myself

1. be grateful for good things

2. friends

3. rain will stop soon

4. let no damn personality report becoming self-fulfilling (parts I don't like, of course)

5. GP lessons end very soon

2009-08-17T22:18:00.000+08:00

Today's physics test was damn crap... the last question.. I wanted more time to solve it. Strange, some tests can make you feel angry. Others, defeated. And others... lol. Whatever..............................................

2009-08-14T22:02:00.000+08:00

The Assumption teaches us to accept death, and at the same time, overcome it. Wonderful it is to die a peaceful death, because that means one is ready to meet God, with humility and purity, without sin, and having done His will. It is an act of grace; a triumph, thus we should not fear it, and if we do, it is only because of unworthiness. Mary teaches us to prepare for God's coming. She who bore Christ was so spotless that she was taken up into heaven, entire soul and body, without experiencing physical death.

2009-08-05T18:24:00.002+08:00

Renewed Recollections
[24/06/2009] [5/08/2009]

She was seated on the humble pines
bow in hand
and so she strung; the colours flew
red and yellow, purple blue
the sun-blue warmth, the lovely face
notes rang clear
yellow in its place.

From distant lands
joined by white of imagination
heartfelt emotion
sincerely true.

The excitement leapt, secret joy had bloomed
firm tall proud, the laughter grew.
Fresh smell of rain
and a hidden medley
Her colours sung
through and through
and faded as they rang..

The eyes shut tight with sanguine doubt.

2009-08-01T15:04:00.000+08:00

Physics is killing me ! ahhhhhhhhhhh

2009-07-26T21:46:00.001+08:00

After killing my brain cells.. hope this helps you guys.

Level of significance or threshold p value refers the chance I AM WILLING TO ACCEPT of rejecting the null hypothesis when it is actually true, i.e. rejecting it wrongly! This could be due to an “unlucky” sample and simple random sampling methods! (This is known as a type I error in stats! There is a type II error but I don’t think we learn it!)

The p-value is calculated from the sample itself! It is the calculated probability of rejecting the null hypothesis wrongly when it is true from a given sample. If it is higher than WHAT I AM WILLING TO ACCEPT, i.e. higher than the level of significance, I am not confident to conclude that the null hypothesis is false (because the chance of me making the error is greater than what I’m willing to accept!). THUS I DON’T REJECT THE NULL HYPOTHESIS AT THE MOMENT! (But this does not mean that the null hypothesis is ACCEPTED/TRUE! I don’t have enough evidence to send someone to jail, does it mean he is really innocent?!)

If the p value is equal or lower to my preset level of significance (which is traditionally 5% or 1%), then I am very happy as a statistician because my sample provides “enough” evidence to go ahead and confidently reject the null hypothesis, because at least the chance of me rejecting the null hypothesis wrongly is lower than what I’m willing to accept. Of course there’s always a possibility of rejecting wrongly, but who cares? If it’s reasonably low, at least lower or equal to what I’m prepared to accept, then I, the statistician, goes ahead and conclude lah (i.e. reject null hypothesis).

Why is it called SIGNIFICANCE LEVEL???? Actually no need to care lah.. Significance DOES NOT MEAN important or what. It just leads me to say whether some data is statistically significant or not. So in our context, when I find that p-value is lower or equal to the level of significance, it leads me to reject the null hypothesis! We say that the DIFFERENCE IS STATISTICALLY SIGNIFICANT (this “difference” refers to what is not null, i.e. the alternative hypothesis lah, which matters because you concluded that the null hypothesis is crap/ and rejected it…). If p-value is higher than level of significance, you can’t reject the null hypothesis, so you say the difference is statistically not significant (if you want to conceptualize it, it just means the prosecutors got owned because they can’t prove anything about the innocence of the one being prosecuted and thus the prosecutors, the idiots who are suggesting the alternative hypothesis, are “not significant”!)

But honestly you don’t have to care about it… even if I conclude based on my statistics, it doesn’t mean it is full-proof lah. If the result is significant, there are 2 possibilities about the real population. If it is not significant, there are also 2 possibilities about the real population itself!

For example, if the results are significant and I rejected the null hypothesis, I still could have rejected it wrongly (don’t forget there is a non-zero p-value!). Alternatively, I could have really made the correct conclusion (yay!).

If the results are not significant and I did not reject the null hypothesis, it could mean I was super unlucky lah. The null hypothesis is really false but the criminal got away with it! Or, I could also have made the correct conclusion because there is no difference. The criminal is really innocent!

Is there a way to know for sure? Ya duh.. you take the WHOLE POPULATION lah! Why sample so mah fan and introduce chances… But of course it is not realistic in the real world, for example, scientists come up with “hypothetical populations.” Definitely can’t know, but at least we can conclude something from our limited means.

Hopefully I did not make any conceptual errors!

Something to THINK ABOUT!
"The p-value is not the probability of falsely rejecting the null hypothesis. This error is a version of the so-called prosecutor's fallacy."
-FROM WIKIPEDIA

So earlier I said "rejecting wrongly" right? I AM REFERING TO CONDITIONAL PROB (restricted set) IS NOT ACTUAL PROB (full set)- condition is ASSUMING THE NULL HYPOTHESIS IS TRUE.

Anyways, I really don't want to think more into this! You can go read about prosecutor's fallacy but I don't think I'm going to be a lawyer anyway... I think I will be owned if I think somemore.

2009-07-22T17:23:00.003+08:00

Today I learnt that yuli visits my blog to click on the smb link. -.-

Today I learnt that people's talents can be used in harmful or hurtful ways.

Today I learnt that arguments are multi-faceted. It's never the argument per se and we shouldn't be blind to the other aspects. There are people, experiences, emotions.

Success is maddeningly elusive.

2009-07-20T15:30:00.002+08:00

The word of the day:

Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely unrelated.

XD

2009-07-17T18:59:00.001+08:00

In an even greater unfortunate turn of events, I'm having a mild fever now. Seriously... I really hope that everyone else will be well and especially LZY so that he can succeed in his international comp.

Anyways, I'm starting to feel that I like some emo kia and that makes me uneasy. Posting such exceedingly personal is also making me uneasy! And emo is not good!!! =) I'm going to try to post more interesting and lighter stuff next time I guess, such as, Sweechen climbing up the fence of the tennis courts last Friday because (according to chiazh) she couldn't find the exit. It was hilarious watching them.

Speaking of mood enhancing drugs in gp, I think panadol is one. And lol my gp is damn shit this time. Ended B-streak, didn't get what I thought I would likely get (both compre and essay are below expectation, really). And for all those who were like probing what I got
21/50 essay
30.5/50 compre

OKAYs? You all know now and so-what-
Haha.

2009-07-16T19:06:00.006+08:00

Today started very badly. I was in the car stoning with my shoes half-worn because my socks were half-dry. Still trying to make sense of the world around me, having unfinished work from the previous night, sleeping late, feeling like a sick dog because of some freaking annoying bug that has been circulating (by someone..). Got my suspicions raised that it was SWINE flu, but no fever. Just general stupid malaise and aches. Anyway, I had left the house late because I took more time than expected to pack my bag and also because I was trying to sleep somemore because I wasn't satisfied and wasn't ready for the day yet. Mental and physical were in the bottom of a black hole. And so, my dad decided to drive faster (but I didn't feel any speed difference really). I was still stoning like an idiot with shoes half-worn, seat belt unfastened. I discovered my camera somehow stopped working and was unsuccessful in reviving it which made me pissed (turned out that somehow the batt ran out). Anyway, I don't know what made him decide to speed because hitherto, there wasn't any assembly and thus, no late coming points[this was my impression all along but maybe before that there were late coming points -.-]. Perhaps I presumed too much, presumed that he'd remember anyway. And then-

the fucking car collided with some noob shit cab in front while we were turning the bend. I wasn't exactly throne off the windscreen even with my seatbelt unfastened because thankfully, there was some time to put on the brakes. But he must have over estimated the awesome speed of the cab which somehow had little foresight to continue getting out of the bend since there were no incoming cars (or that's what I think happened). Yeah fuck he was like blaming me like one second after the impact because I left later than normal. So he got out of the car to settle business, while I was still stoning in the car, seat belt unfastened, and shoes half-worn. I can't describe the mixed feelings I had at that time, but overall, it was traumatic alright. I don't know if its the driver's fault, or mine.

And so after a while we got to school and to my absolute surprise and disgust, PE teachers were holding up a great bunch of Hwa Chong noobs to arrest and confiscate their EZ cards. So this male teacher stopped me and I told him I had been in an accident. He was like totally ( ____) so he asked me to approach the female PE teacher standing nearer the gate. I told her I had been in an accident in a serious kind of pissed off shit tone and she raised her eyebrows but asked me to hand over my EZ link anyway and requested me to explain to my civics tutor. What the fuck. Two unlucky happenings in a row, and I just walked off plainly without adding a sentence, to class.

I didn't tell anyone at all. There were some laughs and smiles, but honestly, I couldn't forget what happened. I was a little distracted when my CT asked me where we stopped going through the math BT paper. I didn't even know she was talking to ME although I saw her talking. I wasn't happy, for sure. But I didn't tell anyone, but at least blogging here has helped a little. It wasn't a good day at all, and only I know how truly screwed up it felt to be in wet socks and shoes half-worn that morning.

If you're wondering, the damages were like $350

2009-07-10T17:12:00.017+08:00

A Revisit to the Uncertainty Principle

First, let's establish a few quick things first. In the quantum world, particles have wave-like characteristics. You could say that particles=waves, waves=particles, or what some say, they are "wavicles." But what I normally like to conceptualize the idea is that there are no definite particles or waves. I can image an electron as a pure wave, having a spread of energy and I won't be wrong (I hope). I can image an electron as a pure particle, having a precise localization of energy at a certain point in a three-dimensional geometric space, and I won't be wrong either. And anything in-between, of course, can possibly exist, but you can't have BOTH definite position and wavelength (at the same time).

The problem comes when I try to measure/ determine the position or momentum of this "particle-wave," and when I do that, there would inevitably result in an uncertainty, and Heisenberg came up with his uncertainty principle: (delta X)(delta P)>=h/2pi. (integral multiple of pi can vary acc to notes)

The "position" factor:
In classical physics, we have been bombarded non-stop that particles are FIXED POINTS in space. I like to think of a point as an infinitely well-defined, and therefore infinitely small yet existent, occupancy in an infinite geometric, three-dimensional space. The notion of position, as I would like to think, stems from the notion of a point, where position of a point is simply the relative "space" between another point, in an inertial frame of reference, where a point is an infinitely well-defined occupancy in an infinite geometric, three-dimensional space.

Conventionally, it sounds good. But the problem is, particles aren't points. They are dualistic in nature, behaving as "particles" (defined by precise points classically), and at the same time, displaying wave-like characteristics. Energy isn't going to be localized in that infinitely well-defined and infinitely small space. On the contrary, going to be "spread out" to some extent, like in a wave (recall that a wave is a distribution of energy in some space and some time).

So let's say that energy isn't going to be localized in this fullstop here: . (because it's a particle with wave character)
Let's just say that energy is going to be distributed within this bracket: ( )
Interestingly enough, the entire bracket itself can be localized, but the energy withIN it is distributed. So now, when I attempt to "borrow" the notion of position (refer to above), trying to PINPOINT where the "particle" is, I run into a problem. The particle could be anywhere in the bracket, e.g.

(. ) or here:
( .) etc. [pardon all the brackets are supposed to be the same size in this illustration]

You can say the particle is the entire bracket, but when I want a position, it's going to have to be a point. A dot, a fullstop. (Although you can define the position of the boundaries using the two bracket lines, you really can't do that in quantum I guess; our premise is to look inside the bracket and use our understanding of position, which is ONE point, and not two points or lines.)

So you see, it is impossible to PINPOINT where exactly this particle is, because the "particle" is really, the entire bracket (wave). Thus when I force the issue, when I want to put some position to it, I would of course introduce an uncertainty, which is (I suppose) going to be confined within the boundaries of the bracketed space: ( ) [you can go ahead and measure it with a ruler] (because the particle must lie within the brackets)

Thus, how well-defined the position of a particle is depends on the extent to which the wave is spread out (the size of the bracket if you like), and as I said before, it really can be anything depending on what I'm trying to measure but it must not violate the uncertainty principle.

I would like to write something about the brackets analogy (brackets being a wave) that I used. I don't know what experiment can really show that result; it's just a thought experiment. But for this experiment which I'm going to write about, uses the brackets idea differently in a sense.

Just Briefly:
I have a laser and a screen where the laser is projected on. I have an aperture where it goes through and the aperture is initially large. Imagine the aperture as the two big brackets. As I close the brackets, I am making the position of the light on the screen more and more well-defined, because the position has to lie within a smaller and smaller area (and thus, there is lower and lower uncertainty in position). But when it gets so small, the light starts to spread out, i.e., it must have experienced a change in it's momentum, because:
p=mv
delta p= m (delta v);
velocity change leads to directional change= momentum change.
But since there is a "spreading" of the wave left and right, there is of course a varying momentum, and thus an increasing uncertainty in the momentum as I make the aperture smaller (because it can't be well-defined if it's going to be spread out).

Thus, more well-defined position= less well-defined momentum.

(Anyway it's quite confusing because if the light spreads out, I think the position is becoming less well-defined? But I guess it's because I am using a certain apparatus (size of the hole) to determine/measure the position, and if it's very small, it makes it have very low uncertainty.)

The "momentum" factor:

The more the particle behaves like a wave, with the usual wave characteristics and an increasingly precise wavelength, the more it would lose its conventional "particle" characteristics. It's harder to define the particle as occupying some point in space, and thus, greater uncertainty in determining it's position.

(delta X)(delta P)>=h/2pi

Plug in any reasonably small values (ref lecture notes), and you would see that, the more precisely I determine the position, the less precisely I determine the momentum, vice versa.
The missing link is de Broglie's formula:
λ=h/p

Thus the smaller the uncertainty in λ, the smaller the uncertainty in p, the momentum. So, if you refer to the first paragraph of this section, you would see that the more wave-like a particle is, having a very precise λ, the smaller the uncertainty in λ and thus smaller uncertainty in momentum p (refer to de Broglie), but an inevitable consequence of having a large uncertainty in position (to fulfil the uncertainty principle/formula), which makes it more wave-like and less particle-like (the latter being based on conventional understanding that a particle is a point in space). As you can see, I closed the loop in the argument in the preceding (but super long) sentence.

Similarly when I define the position of the particle very well, having a small uncertainty in x, I make the particle less wave-like, thus there is large uncertainty in λ, thus large uncertainty in p. This fulfills the uncertainty principle.

Well, I hoped I have done a correct interpretation. I used de Broglie to help explain, but I don't think it was how the results were originally gained (some crap to do with root mean square of delta X). Peace=).

2009-07-10T17:06:00.001+08:00

THIS IS REALLY A GOOD FILM. GO TO YOUTUBE COMMENTS IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. LOL.

2009-07-09T22:37:00.002+08:00

I'm frustrated because of the small and stupid upsets. I checked it 5 times, and was convinced that I was right. But after sending it for editing, I saw some undeniable close-ups of what it was SUPPOSED to look like. So, I made a mistake while trying to correct another, and it's still wrong.

I thought wrong. Wrong information, wrong beliefs, wrong perceptions, an evasive illusion.
And I don't like that. I ask why must such crap happen, such crappish nonsensical insensibility by something that is not entirely within my circle of influence. In the first place, they gave me shit to work with. I hate to accept that too. Mistake upon mistake, with no clear reference or guide. I fought to figure this out on my own, while some other people did not have this problem. It's unfair. It's stupid. It's beneath my status.

The outcome had better be LOOK reasonable. Such blistering stones in my shoe.

2009-07-05T16:08:00.005+08:00

Let me make a little announcement.

I am not aiming to dunk by October. Strength training is more important now. Sorry I have to disappoint you Zihao (and all my potential fans- just kidding).

But I am not giving up on this goal. Not yet. I have something to prove, to show, to some people, even if they don't know about it. =))

I had a brilliant nightmare this morning. Sucks. Sucks to wake up saying "wtf." Thankfully I forgot the details. It's some family crap.

I had been playing non-stop since Friday. Pokemon Platinum. I finished stark mountain quest. And many diamond pearl episodes. And playing ball. MMmm. I don't want to fail Phy and Chem =(. ZZzzz. And yes I watched Transformers too. Who wants to hear my critical review? Spoilers ahead.

3 things that I didn't like
-was very hard to differentiate between Megatron and the Fallen. I thought Megabomb was screwing Starscream at first cus Starscream sucks and Megabomb is KICK ASS. Then I saw Megatron chained up at the bottom of the sea and I was totally confused. I had to check wikipedia to get a sense of what was going on. Turned out that the Fallen was screwing Starscream and Megatron was still being chained at that scene. Also hard to differentiate between other robots.
-Battle between Deceps and Humans took damn long with Decepticons not securing a swift victory from the sky. Pitiful barrier that the humans were camping at could actually stand to the might of the Deceps. Realistic eh.
-The symbols, astronomy class and whatever clue...I don't get how the hell they got to Egpyt and what the symbols meant. Somehow they knew what to do. I reallly don't get that part and the symbols weren't explained?! Totally far-fetched story!

3 things that I liked
-I liked Prime ripping off some Decep's head. Total OWNAGEZZ. But then he died later just like in Armada. Stabbed in the body -.-.
-Devastator+Scorponok. Kick ass but ultimately they got pwned. But it was funny to see the individual parts grabing hold of each other to combine lol. (I guess this was more realistic than in the cartoon though)
-The Matrix of Leadership had to be earned. Sly of the Primes to make it crumble to ward off potential Deceps, I thought.

3 interesting things
-Matrix was shaped like an Aladdin's Lamp. Make a wish rub rub... ~~
-Prime became a Gundam at the end.
-The Last Scene was like Archimonde rushing to the World Tree only to get annihilated.

Overall, lack of character development for robots and some human characters. 3/5 stars.

K lah signing off.

Precious 17.

2009-07-03T21:41:00.000+08:00

2009-06-15T19:11:00.009+08:00

I'm a shy person. I don't enjoy going outside my comfort zone, although I do like using my talents to take calculated challenges. Today, even on the court where I have spent many, many hours playing on, including the pre-adolescent time at age 11, I still am faced with inconfidence. I like this description on wikipedia:

"The key element to self-confidence is, therefore, an acceptance of the myriad consequences of a particular situation, be they good or bad. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more 'self-confident' because one is worrying far less about failure or (more accurately) the disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable."

Negative thoughts and fear of failure (and yes, disapproval) were in my mind just now. I can't use the excuse that I was playing with a more massive guy and that's why I was scared, because even when I was with the smaller person, I was extremely hesitant to move and get open. I wasn't assertive one bit, willing to play the smaller, supporting role, appearing only when there wasn't a choice. I mean, that's how I think I felt just now. 2 on 2 with some Europeans in pick-up basketball- I didn't think I had the skills to do any thing, which later on I realised I wasn't too bad, but yeah the main point is that fear of disapproval, that inborn characteristic (probably due to a mixture of genes, playing comp games excessively at p2, upbringing). There were so many opportunities to make something good happen. But my mindset in those unfamiliar circumstances, playing with people I didn't know, was fixated on opportunities for failure. I might speculate that my shyness was due to lack of practice, skills. Yes, partly. But when I'm playing with people I'm familiar with, I'm not such a whimp (at least, mentally). Yeah.. so you see, basketball can help you know more about yourself too.

Anyway's the score wasn't too bad?? 11-6. lol... X_X

=)

2009-06-13T16:28:00.002+08:00

/leave behind.

2009-06-10T20:21:00.004+08:00

I cut my writings short. Exit from Word. Don't save.

Hey zhiying. I still remember your words of encouragement when I was dying over there on the floor, for morning pt, while we were doin' leg raises. It's still a very emotional, personal experience. I need those words now...

damn it............

2009-06-08T21:04:00.002+08:00

Awesome.
I think the sky's really big.
I think the moon is especially brilliant.
I think I have seen whiter moons in my childhood, but today's could be the brightest I have seen yet.
I think I feel grateful for everything, for love.

2009-06-08T13:23:00.003+08:00

Longitudinal waves cannot be polarised.

The lecture notes say that "oscillations of the points of the wave are along the direction of propagation and therefore restricting the direction of oscillations would restrict the direction of propagation."

But I am really not happy with this explanation. I'm not being picky or what but it just doesn't make sense. Maybe it make sense by "word logic" but the provided explanation leaves more to be desired by scientific inquiry. Let me explain.

Let's restrict the case to plane polarisation. In transverse waves, I only allow one plane of oscillation to pass through, meaning, I block off all the other planes of oscillation that are not parallel to my polarising axis, WHICH MEANS, "oscillations of the points of the wave [along those planes I blocked off] are along the direction of propagation" are restricted, WHICH MEANS "restricting the direction of oscillations would restrict the direction of propagation" which totally makes sense. We observe from daily observation that light intensity drops after passing through our sunglasses (not like I have any, however). But you see, what I just did is to apply the argument that supports the case that logitudinal waves cannot be polarised to help me describe the polarisation process of transverse waves. If you're getting what I mean (if you don't please read slower and think through), there is some sort of contradiction that exists, at least to me.

To all those who totally cannot accept this paradigm I am presenting, please drop it. I don't want to try and break a wall built by the SG education system that emphasizes mugging facts and people throw up their hands in protest when you ask for an explanation why and say "it's just like that, cannot means cannot lah wtf," when they don't actually know how to explain properly (where in this case, they'll merely repeat what the stupid lecture notes have written, I bet).

Anyway the point is, the explanation of why logitudinal waves can't be polarised is LACKING.

The similar explanation can be applied to explain about transverse waves to show why the rest of the planes not parallel to my axis don't pass through, BUT we also know for a fact that the plane that IS parallel to my axis is able to pass through because the polarizer permits oscillations in the plane that I'm interested in. So when I go back to look at logitudinal waves and I see the explanation given, my question is, is there going to be such a "plane" that allows oscillations in it but blocks off all others just like in a transverse wave, or is it a clear cut case where ALL planes cannot pass through?

I am highly fearful that no one understands this so let me just simplify it.

"Longitudinal waves cannot be polarised.

The lecture notes say that "oscillations of the points of the wave are along the direction of propagation and therefore restricting the direction of oscillations would restrict the direction of propagation.""

However, the same phenomenon happens when I polarise a transverse wave (which can be polarised, unlike logitudinal waves), just that in a transverse wave there is a special permitted plane to allow the wave to pass through (hope you can see the contradiction in conclusions here). So my question is, does this special permitted plane exist in a logitudinal wave also, because if it doesn't, then I can totally accept that logitudinal waves cannot be polarised. That is the information that I want, period. The argument would then hold and be sound. There would be no more GAPS.

Here goes.

In logitunal waves, the oscillations are parallel to the direction of propagation, right? It is like a LINE, right? So when I try to consider the wave containing "planes," it's either the case where the wave DOESN'T OCCUPY ANY PLANE AT ALL, or the wave OCCUPIES ALL POSSIBLE, INFINITE NUMBER OF PLANES where the line of propagation and oscillation and plane MUST necessarily intersect. So why are there 2 scenarios? I will answer that later.

Let's consider the latter case. The logitudinal wave occupies all possible planes, so if I want to "plane-polarise" it hypothetically (meaning I want only ONE plane), I need to "block off" all other planes. And how do I do that? Well, I stop the oscillations in those other planes (the left right movements). BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I DO THAT? YES the oscillations in the plane I WANT also stop! (because as I said earlier, the SAME wave occupies ALL planes at the same time!) So that means, NO WAVE passes through!

I CANNOT hypothetically polarize the logitudinal wave without stopping the entire wave from passing through. There won't be any emergent plane of oscillation.

The reason why I provided 2 options of consideration (it's either the case where the wave DOESN'T OCCUPY ANY PLANE AT ALL, or the wave OCCUPIES ALL POSSIBLE, INFINITE NUMBER OF PLANES) was because it is superfluous to consider to the latter scenario based on our conclusion. I am forcing the issue by purposely assigning all possible planes to a single line, where they won't actually be there if I don't consider it. Anyway this is besides the point, lol.

Well, hope all are happy. With my new explanation, the explanation in the lecture notes make perfect sense.

"Longitudinal waves cannot be polarised.

The lecture notes say that "oscillations of the points of the wave are along the direction of propagation and therefore restricting the direction of oscillations would restrict the direction of propagation.""

By wanting a single plane, I want to eliminate all other planes, but when I do, I also eliminate the plane I want. Simple? Explanation in lecture notes then follow.

So, to refine it:

"oscillations of the points of the wave IN ALL POSSIBLE PLANES are along the direction of propagation and therefore restricting the direction of oscillations would restrict the direction of propagation., AND HENCE, THE ENTIRE WAVE.""

This is a more complete explanation which is purely based on my knowledge on plane polarisation but it should work for circular and eliptical ones I guess. But if you want to stick with lecture notes it's also ok. Just think of practically trying to restrict the oscillations- you can't do it without restricting the entire wave itself. It's a simplified version, but shallow nonetheless.

2009-06-04T14:43:00.008+08:00

After many hours of hard thought, perhaps this metaphor of mine, however incomplete it is, may say something.

A particle is like a cup, you can fill it with more energy (or empty it), but it's still going to stay there as a cup and energy is going to be contained in that cup.

A wave on the other hand, is like water in an infinite geometric x-dimension, propagating and disturbing the space through which it occurs alongside the time dimension, where x=2, 3, 4 etc.

The similarity of course, is that energy is filled in something, some space, which may be a basis for wave-particle duality. And the uncertainty principle makes sense here. The more precisely I determine the position of something, the more imprecisely I know the wavelength and thus momentum and vice versa, where wavelength is a property of a "wave" and position is a property of a "particle."

Differences between particle and waves, IN MY OWN WORDS not 100% correct:

Energy is localized in a single particle which occupies a tiny bit of space, but energy of a wave can be distributed in a huge or infinite region of space and...

at any one time the energy of the particle must occupy the same space when the particle is only being displaced without any change in the particle nature itself (because mass defines the energy of the particle; E=mc^2) while energy of a wave can occupy varying space.

Energy in a wave is somehow transmitted without the "real" displacement of the medium (which may contain particles or not) along its path where it was transmitted. Energy in a particle is transmitted with "real" displacement or via collision, not including radiation; in other words

"An energy-containing particle must transmit energy by interacting with another body or by translating through space, but an "energy-containing medium" (or space) transmits energy through but without the ultimate translation of the medium itself, where the latter is what we term as "wave phenomena."

Anyway this is getting crappier and too conceptual -.-. ARGH I wasted like so many hours and brain cells at pg 1 of the lecture notes wad the crap. Sux. It's like an imperfect picture and the basis for comparison (if you refer to lecture notes first few lines) is not even there though I tried to make it exist in a more explicit way.

2009-05-31T22:06:00.001+08:00

Uh.. I was so cute last time. lol.

2009-05-31T16:52:00.001+08:00

I should stop whining. The only way to success, is absolute, total, outright, domination. Attrition, overpower. Keep training!

2009-05-30T22:55:00.003+08:00

I could tell you weren't happy. I was thinking that maybe I didn't respond the best way that I should have in my capacity, which might cause you to do something stupid and blah blah. I 'o know man. Life has its ups and downs though that probably sounds stupid to you now; things will improve I believe.

2009-05-29T21:11:00.004+08:00

Lamp Post

I traced your name on the lamp post.
People were going in, going out, and the evening sky beckoned, and I saw the hustle and bustle of people going home.
And there I was, standing foolishly there indeed.
My fingers went over it, and over it, and over it once again.
Though I never actually wrote it, I remember spelling the word, "love."
A word which I had lost faith in, a word which I continually stuggle to find in my life.
The cold and dead surface of the lamp post never once said anything, moved anything.
Though in my mind, I knew, out there you were, doing something, thinking something.
And yes, my heart shuddered and my fingers trembled.
What meaning hath a name? I thought.
And I was so overwhelmed by that thought.
So touched I was, foolish I was, so child-like I was.
Your name brings to my mind you, and you in your everything and everything that I don't know about you. You, you and you.
A gentle wind blows by, but brings with it the smoke from a cigarette.
And then the bus came and I had to go.
Wanted I to bring you with me, to scale mountains, move heavens.
Wanted I to know you more.
Wanted I, but I, left you by the lamp post.
The distant memory, futile imagination; both us, standing there together.
But I had to go;
though in my heart was insecurity and fear;
though in my heart was wonder and excitement;
though in my heart I had written your name, and it illuminated my mind and my soul.
And they looked on, unfazed.

2009-05-27T14:55:00.004+08:00

I am super pissed off at a super black shit cockroach that took its residence in my physics TYS.

F.
-
June hols are really not a holiday. Mrs Tan presented the facts straight on, and suggested strategies to conquer our future battles. It wasn't pretty; it was real. She told me to play less ball. 15 minutes. lol...
-
I managed to hit the Exit sign on the way to high school today. It felt damn freaking good to touch it for the first time. Goodness. And zhuoyan said "IT'S ONLY THE EXIT SIGN WHAT".. yeah SO? It's a great improvement for me. Achievements are relative, rather than absolute. Small steps to success yeah? ...
-
My prediction came true. Cavs lost and took a 1-3 deficit. But I also hope they would be the 9th team in NBA history to make a come back from a 1-3 deficit to take the series. Come on Cavs!
-
The Straits Times today was provocative.

"Soccer betting syndicate busted."
Someone tell me why there is such thing as "legal" and "illegal" betting? Aren't they all the same? The first thing I thought is that SG Pools is using the law to monopolize the business. Pardon my ignorance, but yeah... that's what I think.

"Opposition is best check against graft? MPs rebut Low's claim."
"Ms Indranee Rajah said this assumption was not only simplistic, but also plain incorrect. For if this were true, why is it that many countries with multi-party systems still see deep-seated and endemic corruption, she asked."

Now what I don't like about Ms Rajah's comment, with all due respect to her, is that I think she is arguing for the sake of arguing. As a GP student, I don't enjoy arguing for the sake of arguing, which is why I choose topics that I like doing (the exception being the AQ, which I have totally no control over). Yes the argument, I concede, has its fallacies. But can we think deeper into the context?

In Singapore's context, since we have a super strong party in government, I think that injecting elected oppositions are great to prevent abuse and it is good to have another voice. One may say it's stupid because PAP is so good and infallible and it has given me lift upgradings and the leader founded the nation and the like. Well, just think of consumer choices for a start. If I only have one good made by a single producer, won't that mean I'm forced to take it? What is democracy, then? With regards to other countries that are apparently corrupt according to Ms Rajah, we cannot be "simplistic" (in her own words) and just speedily come to a conclusion that an opposition is useless. The socio-geo-political climate matters A LOT. Having a multi-party state may not be the best option DEPENDING on this climate. In Singapore, I think that it is good, however. I think there must be some balance right now, and I think that Singapore's politics is not balanced currently (you may disagree). With power concentrated in one party, many decisions may be biased. I don't think I want to elaborate on the pros (and perhaps cons) on having a "reasonably" strong opposition.

"It's the value system that we have, the concept of an honest, clean government with integrity, which is a concept...by the PAP... to today."

Look. I don't care who advocated a corruption free Singapore. It may be corruption free now, but what about in the future? WHAT IF? I think in part the ministers' huge salaries has prevented unclean desires, but we cannot keep leaning on idealism. Heck we find lots of comfort in ideals. But let's come back to the real world and its penchants. Prevention of bad governance via a reasonably significant opposition is necessary.

"And if one day, the PAP were to abuse its powers, then the people are at liberty to vote out the PAP Government."

Hey, that sounds assuring BUT we should not just be focussed on abuse- also consider poor decision-making.

In most government decisions undertaken daily, monthly or yearly, it's about making the best choice. And in a democracy, talking about it is the way of coming to this decision. I think with just 2 main contenders of power, PAP and WP, the situation won't be as complex as that in the US with so much talking (to address concerns of democracy haters).

Okay, so who's accountable for bad decisions, if power is mainly in the hands of one party? Let's face it. Bad decisions, or even abuse if it happens, CANNOT BE SUFFICIENT TO DETHRONE THE GOVERNMENT. It sounds so damn easy to say that the people can vote them out. So idealistic. It cannot be.

Perhaps liken my point to a tsunami. It comes and destroys and then conveniently leaves. What are the people left with?!!! Who's going to pay the price? Us. And if the WP isn't mature enough to takeover hypothetically (it is almost impossible for PAP to be dethroned lah), we are going to be more screwed! It's like I don't want to eat a spoilt burger, but I can't satisfy myself with a roti prata right? (Although you can buy both from the Malay stall =D)

So, a win-win situation would be having a more balanced govt and let the opposition develop, so that we can prevent any undesirable stuff or bad decisions as much as possible through debate and power control, plus all the added benefits which I shan't elaborate on here.

"Turning to Mr Low's suggestion that the CPIB could not play an effective checking role, as it was under the PMO, Ms Rajah said it was under the PMO so that it did not have to report to other ministers. By going straight to the top, it could perform its duties without fear or favour."

Well, nice red herring... What if there are some issues with the PMO?! Question not addressed. Probably they have some multiple checks on power thing or whatever...

2009-05-25T18:08:00.002+08:00

What is wrong with Cavs seriously... If Celtcs had Garnett they'd be in the finals at the way things are looking.

Today was a crappy day. I was feeling totally nauseous from the moment I left the house till like 8am when I put some food into my system. The humidty was like 20 buckets of water per room (I mean that it was VERY humid). The Eastern Sun was a little bit too generous as it illuminated the sea of brown while the mighty flag of Hwa Chong was being raised. $^#$&^%!@%#%

Sweated like a stupid retard (I have no other way of expressing my distaste). My uniform wasn't exactly sticking to my body, so the sweat was like rolling downwards.. Wasn't surprised to register a blarddy stupid thirty-seven point six degrees celsius. Homeostatis + negative feedback "inefficiency." Needed external aircon to do some chillaxedsfewgfee-ing. Btw Le Chatelier... I really think your principle is an observation and not a principle at all. Come on pls. There are so many instances of negative feedback 43t34wf342t3y45dgw. I don't have a fever now. But the way I'm writing shows the brain dmg x 1000 I have suffered. AHH.

Heck. Lol.

2009-05-23T16:26:00.005+08:00

I have all and nothing.

Bball girls finals was totally epic. Three totally cold-blooded bombs from 3 point range consecutively by #10. NOTHING but NET. HC then ran away with the lead for the rest of the game.

4th Quarter Highlights for Girls =)

THIS IS WHAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED. LOL.

Amazing!

Lichan knows me so well- he can read my after-game thoughts.

Anyway, I am thinking now about all the class crap that has been going on... does it matter? Love should be the answer to all questions. Stop the bitter judgements please. They are even more despicable under the mask of humor. This is what I realise now, on hindsight. I feel ashamed.

We had a nice class dinner and later went for dancenight. I am so sorry I must say I was "wanting" to leave the audi -.-

I tried my best.

Last year was so much better.

2009-05-21T19:58:00.001+08:00

Fighting to be a fighter.

I don't stand alone.

2009-05-19T17:08:00.000+08:00

http://stress.about.com/od/understandingstress/a/perfectionist.htm

zzzzzz

2009-05-18T17:10:00.003+08:00

I feel it again. This pre-event anxiety shit has been getting worse of late. Everything that is scheduled to happen in the future is bothering me. Everything.

Take care of your future health. Don't screw up your phenotype anymore than it might already be screwed up.

2009-05-17T20:09:00.002+08:00

I feel like dying. I was just going through SMB as usual, glancing through their spams, taking what documents I need and leaving those that I don't. Perfuntory shit clearing. I save them on my desktop. But this time I needed to dump all of them into a new folder so that my desktop is restored to its former glory- nothingness. It gets progressively worse overtime. It's already my second "outstanding" folder. #@%@%$#^#$^!$@ ITS A LOT OF SCHOOLWORK.

...

+my project

= die

ai ya wdv.. I'm going to enjoy this week. SPA on Wed. Stupid 2/8 marks SPA. Dance night is the only thing to look forward to.

2009-05-15T19:48:00.003+08:00

In life's great theatre, interplays the infinitum of ups and downs and twists and turns. On the stage, our feelings dance together; sometimes like a storm, sometimes like a light wind, while at other times, held back and restrained. To ask why would be absurd, for the grayism of one's heart and human imperfection is and will be, just like how the theatre is and will be; we can act on it, but it will remain, until death shalt strike us all, pierce us all, and then the entire structure shalt fallaway to nothingness. We are the scriptwriters as well as the actors. Our choices and our pen dictates the play; the play of sadness, the play of happiness, the play of betrayal- but often it isn't as straightforward as that. Circumstances are simple in comparison to the million actions different characters will undertake in response to it. And circumstances aren't simple to begin with. We hold the pen and the paper and we write our lives, act our lives, show our lives. And I wonder, when shalt our pens move together as one? I wonder because I cannot know and I cannot tell, when and how the play would act out.

2009-05-12T15:23:00.001+08:00

Dirk, Dirk, Dirk... what can I say. Fantastic job by him and the Mavs for finally winning one game (they should have won the previous one, but the refs didn't make a wise call). I think he's really a fighter. Great job.

2009-05-11T22:43:00.003+08:00

Article Review: Perks in the works for healthy habits

The Straits Times, Monday, May 11 2000

In order to improve the state of health, the US Congress is proposing to give employers in the country the freedom to reward employees for healthy habits, including better diet, more exercise, weight loss and for quitting smoking. The White House is supportive of this initiative, which aims to help people control blood pressure, fight obesity and manage diabetes and other harmful medical complications. Key benefits include improved productivity and lower health costs for companies. Critics say that this is unfair because job performance should be based on how one does his job. However, ethics experts said that “employees should be held responsible for voluntary actions that cause harm to others,” but not including cases where it is “unreasonably difficult or medically inadvisable” for them to meet a particular goal.

One of my very first concerns I had when I was reading the article was the possible over-intervention in the private lives of people. Is the cost to society really that great, such that it legitimises rewarding those who have healthy habits (i.e. indirectly penalizing those who do not have healthy habits), if one is unhealthy by choice? Curbing freedom requires careful thought, especially for a democratic nation like the US. The benefits should absolutely outweigh the costs before lawmakers flash the green light.

Take smoking for example. It is generally bad to be seen smoking nowadays, at least in Singapore, whereby taxes and laws make smoking a very inconvenient and expensive activity. However if one probes deeper, the external cost to others depends on the location where one smokes and the proximity of the smoker to the passive smoker. If one smokes in the privacy of his home, there is virtually no “harm to others.” This thus leads me to believe that the initiative by Congress may be too general, too ambitious, and too blunt.

Although well-intended, the unfair nature of the scheme is a key issue that remains to be solved.

It may not be entirely voluntary that one is unhealthy by choice. Addictions to a particular type of vice is in fact a psychological condition; a habit. Habits are hard to change overnight. Sometimes “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” Proponents might then counter-argue that it is their fault and not the lawmakers. However, I think that this is unfair because one’s habits depend on a whole range of factors such as family values and upbringing since a young age. Even the media must be held responsible for spreading some “unhealthy” messages. The fault should not lie solely on the consumer or employee in this case.

Furthermore, one could have a genetic predisposition to be diabetic for example. Even if lawmakers exempt penalties when it is “unreasonably difficult or medically inadvisable,” it is not practically possible to do so. In this case, Congress wishes to reward workers with good health habits. Does it mean that an obese person, not by choice, would also receive the rewards, since it is ethically correct to exempt such a class of people from any penalty (i.e. reward them)? Doing so would lead us into a reductio ad adsurdum and ultimately it is not possible to achieve the aims of the initiative.

In addition, a person with a genetic predisposition to be healthy would definitely have the upper hand. For example, he can indulge in fat-rich foods and still remain thin. If health is a measure of good health habits, then it is definitely unfair, and this may lead to jealousy and unhappiness in the workplace which may decrease productivity, rather than increase it. If not, Congress should provide more details on how employers are going to judge who has better habits. However, this delicate process of measuring who has healthier habits may invoke more costs which may not be equitable to the gains in productivity, if any.

Another side point is that the employers can regulate the health of the employees but not themselves. This again, may create unhappiness in the workplace because of unfairness. One must practice what one preaches in order to gain respect and fellowship, and if employers are to be given power to reward employees, they had better be living healthily themselves. The assumption that employers have healthy habits simply does not hold in reality.

There is another possibility of a backfire. For example, if someone loves to eat Macdonalds and would”die” without it, implementing this scheme would not be effective (because it would not achieve the goal of encouraging healthy habits anyway). It may even lead to depression and stress as a result of the initiative, leading to worsening productivity. A lot thus depends on the attitude that one takes to his own health, and that attitude is not so easily changed because of a reward or penalty. Congress should look into a more specific cure which targets the root causes, such as psychological help, and not attempt to influence attitudes externally.

In conclusion, I think that the initiative by Congress is weak, too non-specific and ineffective in achieving its aims and the potential problems resulting from it may ultimately prove to be more costly to the United States and its already-fledging economy.

By Kevin (Do not copy my GP work =D)

2009-05-03T13:59:00.002+08:00

Today was a difficult day and is going to continue being one.

Started the day off well with mass, then I went to play ball at clementi. I was telling myself before the game.. "ok kevitaria, you gotta drive more and show them some aggresive stuff." I was feeling good. I really was. But then, I realised I still don't really know how to drive. I look for an opening, and I see none, because everyone just conveniently camps inside. When I see an opening, I find trouble breaking down my defender(s). When I don't see an opening, I don't know how to create one for myself. Adding on to that were almost all misses on my fadeaways, failed post plays, blocks, steals, streaky shooting... My morale is like way low now, but I'm not prepared to throw in the towel yet. I know I need more speed, more muscle, more leap or whatever... but with my exisiting body there's definitely a way to improve my game anyhow. Conclusion: I need someone or something to teach me how to play basketball. Ironic.

Had a nice lunch and talk with Alun and then I waited extremely long for the cursed 74. SBS really screwed up this one, because when I looked inside the bus, it was rather filled up with people. Evidence of poor distribution of the 74. It was an anomaly, but I was certainly not the least bit happy about it. Time and time again, things that crop up keep testing my patience, which is rather limited already, if you know me. HELL the traffic lights were freaking slow.

I got off the bus stop and draggged my legs home. Some guy was walking up with me along the inclined slope to the lifts. I was thinking, there's probably a 50% chance he's going to be taking the same lift as me. Thankfully he went on the other one and disappeared. My lift was still going down. 6...4...2... Then she walked out. This super chio girl with lots of makeup and a white dress. What the seriously. She appeared to be shy and just looked down. Right. What are you thinking kevin. I don't know who she is. Hope she's not like 20 plus. Looks can be deceiving. Maybe its the sec4 girl my mum likes on the 10th floor. -.-

Haiz.. Got home, was thirsty, got a drink. Switched on the comp, signed in to live messenger, opened firefox, googled "nba." AND I WAS SO PLEASANTLY SURPRISED that I was cheering for like 15 secs... Boston won game 7!!! Yaaayyy. Freaking close series, record number of overtimes, and finally, a win. YES. 109-99! Ray allen owns! The offense seems to more skewed to him after Garnett's out.

Anyway, the next 2 weeks are going to be especially busy for me. Sigh. I haven't done any homework yet.

2009-04-29T19:51:00.001+08:00

Disobedient body.

2009-04-27T16:47:00.002+08:00

I'm freaking upset with myself for today. For not being able to cleans properly. For not being able to lift what I usually could. For not doing any shit thing at all. F.

Anyway I went home and googled "tired body gym".

"8 You beat yourself up when you have a bad session

Even the most motivated and energetic gym-goer can have a really crap training session. There’s often no real reason: your body just isn’t up for it. Don’t imagine that you’re going backwards. ‘Sometimes you don’t feel great, but just being there is enough,’ says Archer. ‘People who are hard on themselves and start to feel negative about it tend to eventually stop going to the gym altogether.’"

I really like the part about having a "really crap training session." It just resonates with my experience so damn perfectly.

Argh.

2009-04-27T00:50:00.001+08:00

but even if they do, I won't.

2009-04-27T00:25:00.003+08:00

Napfa Results
SBJ 241 -__---------"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
2.4 ok lah.. around 10:40
The rest is fine, lol.

2009-04-23T21:15:00.002+08:00

It's cresent time.
It's not supposed to be, yet the imminent black looms in the nether.
The lights don't stay.
They mysteriously shine so brightly at times, but fade so suddenly at times.
The tumultuous youth, not sun, not dark.
In my shadow, loneliness creeps ever so steathily.
In these cruel, cresent times, I try to look beyond.
Bless be.

2009-04-23T20:05:00.001+08:00

Perfectionist me.

2009-04-22T19:12:00.001+08:00

Ty Zhonghan for whatever you said today, but...

2009-04-21T21:09:00.000+08:00

Perspectives...
And a desire.

2009-04-21T16:29:00.009+08:00

This is the night view from my house. Can see some familiar landmarks.

Woke up to this light.

Today was an exciting day, in the sense that it is an unusual one. Left the house late but it started raining, so I wasn't late. Was entering the left wing when I saw Clara but no other classmates; they must have gone to the class early. Entered the classroom and saw Zhuoyan, so I went over to ask him whether he got his title, and he replied yes. It was great. I mean, when my friend has an achievement, I'm obviously happy for him. What I didn't know however, was that he broke his senior's record by a substantial amount! I'm still a little euphoric. Man, I've got a star as a friend. You know who his senior was? This much bigger dude called Scott Wong. His record seemed ever so infathomable to beat but Zy did it anyway. He just went out there, threw with all his might, and owned it. When I read today's paper, his name was like flashing out from the lettered motonomy and it got my heartbeat up up up!

Haha. Physics lesson was the most torturous lesson ever. I didn't know how to solve anything. And I was acting like I could solve when Mrs Tan was walking around. =/. I just wanted her soooo badly to go through the answers but she just kept walking around and around and around, saying how she felt comforted that "given time, [we] can do the questions." Wa lau. Like uber not true please...

Ownage.

2009-04-19T16:14:00.011+08:00

Creation of my jumpsole
XD

First thing I did was to select carefully amongst alternative uses the shoe that was going to go under my knife. I found out that I had five pairs. One cheapo black army new balance one, the above new balance shoe which was purchased at a warehouse sale, another new balance shoe which I wear to school almost everyday because of its superior lightness, a disgusting green nike shoes (I have no idea why I got that), and a nice cool blue Mizuno (which I refused to wear 2 years ago because it was too big then but now it fits).

This is the Mizuno. Has pretty little stripes which you can't see.

The black new balance one is the newest pair that I've got. The bottom surface is still roughly intact. It's just ok aesthetically. The one in the picture is relatively pleasing to my eye but the bottom surface is totally worn out. Same with the one I wear to school everyday but I prefer its comfort. The disgusting green nike was still quite good despite its appearance. Mizuno- I definitely won't cut it up! So there you have it- I chose the yellow one to be the sacrifice.

It was hell trying to cut the shoe using a pair of red kitchen scissors which mum said was "used for food one." When it came to the back of the shoe (heel area), it was even crazier because that part was heavily fortified with some guailan material. I was nearly sweating "like some dog" as Zy would have liked to put it if he was in my shoes (pun not intended). Heck, I managed to cut it, but my poor little index finger suffered wear and tear. Shan't go into further details on how it looks like now. Was better when it came to the second shoe because I was sure of what to do and I knew the exact dimensions already.

I stuffed the insides with classified Ads before wrapping the entire kobe. (MJ>Kobe)
Next step was to mummify it with some yellow masking tape.

After that, I took the kobe and wrapped it with more noodles around my Mizuno.

Voila. I had to alter the position of the bottom part later by moving it to the groove since it kept moving forward and forward the more I wore it. It was a hell lot more painful since I was literally supporting my whole weight on my toes. The newer design is less bad and more stable.

Here you see the first prototype. Quite stupid looking I guess.

Ouch.

Anyway this baby is gonna increase my vertical leap. At least I hope so.

Duct tape would have been better -.- but I don't have it at the moment. Btw, a jumpsole on the market costs about USD 90. Mine is really cheap and DIY but its not captured under Singapore's GDP. Aw.

Qutie funny how girls wear high heels and I'm kindda wearing a similar product- the elevated parts are swapped. L0l. Also, I am not considering a career as a carpenter (edit: cobbler) at the moment- don't misunderstand.

The end!

2009-04-19T12:07:00.001+08:00

Cool remix!

2009-04-18T12:12:00.000+08:00

http://www.bostonherald.com/sports/basketball/celtics/view.bg?articleid=1166210&srvc=sports&position=4

=/

KGGGGGGGGG

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2009-04-17T21:42:00.006+08:00

Trial
After some "work" ...

SBJ 248 (from 229 in Jan) PB
SR 9.9 (from 10.3 in 08) PB
PU 10 (hit minimum)
SU 43 (hit minimum)
S&R 50 (down from 54 in 2007)
2.4 NA

2009-04-06T22:42:00.002+08:00

Betray.
I can't; my feelings.
Sometimes I have totally no control over what I do. The impulsion takes over me.
Makes me do seemingly stupid things. Non-loving things.

Should I step forward, or backward?

2009-04-04T18:20:00.004+08:00

I'm tired.

Today Roy & I went to West Coast Park =). Was a friendly outing; he wanted to recce the area for a BATTALION march. What an unlikely accompaniment I was. Uhh.. we got lost the first part of the journey! Ended up in some forsakened corner of the convoluted Jurong industrial area. Had to backtrack a little and ask the Esso lady for directions. Walked A LOT, took a bus, and ended up at our destination.

More walking was to be done later. Fruitless attempt in finding a BICYCLE rental shop although I'd have loved to ride a bike. Instead there was the goldcart which had a freaking monopolistic rate of $12 per 30 minutes. I bet NParks had subsidised them otherwise they would be out of business. We played around with all the exercise stations, flying fox and obstacle courses. Great fun. Parks are a great place to start holding hands, I remarked.

We ate at pastamania (West Mall) for lunch. Then went to popular to browse around. Cool stuff. A book about Obama's oratory caught my eye. I wanna become a great orator! But no raw talent. I can only attempt to mimick a modicum of his eloquence in my GP essays! (and then Ms Khoo comes along and says DONT ASK RHETORICAL QNS IN ESSAYS and I'm like WHAT?!@@@@@@.. zzz. That's one of my persuasive writing tools for goodnessss sake.)

Went home afta a short visit with someone.

See this butterfly I drew? It's chained up. The shadow of imperfection. Do we have the courage to face the future, or do we let the past hold the future hostage? It's a terrible struggle, while consolation is the worst comfort. "Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you have anyway." -Mother Teresa.

Not moving on from past irreversible errors -isn't this a greater sin? But you think it's easy breaking those chains?

Don't feel like talkiing about this topic anymore zzz.

2009-04-02T21:18:00.003+08:00

If I am the sand, then love is the ocean.
If I am a tree, then love is the sun.
If I am truth, then love is eternal beauty.
If I am now, then love will be forever.

When would love be washed ashore?
When would love soak me, embrace me?
When would love speak to me?
Would I be drowned in its gentle arms?

When would love light me?
When would I feel lightness in Love’s likeness?
When would we sublime in its warmth and passion?
Would you kiss me like the wind?

Oh when, oh would you, beloved one?
To put aside your fears, our fears?
To commit to veracity?
To open if your choice is such?
To test if we are meant to be?
How would I know your answer, dear lover?

Could you write me a letter?

July

Ellipsis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GP Prelim 2009

"8 You beat yourself up when you have a bad session